Angelina Petrella: Celebrating Life

Hey Everyone!

2009-05-20T13:19:00.002-04:00

So I haven't blogged in a while, mostly because because I am too tired and don't feel feel well enough. I know there are people wore that are blogging but have cancer so cut me come slack. I have been in a lot f pain these days. It may be do to my many falls. It seems I am falling one right after another causing some sort of pain. Recently I fell the night of mother's eve......holy heaven's! That was painful and I don't think I have been the same since. I have a new home health aid that comes in once a day to assist me if I need it. Mostly she assists my mom because I don't know what assisting I want or need....So I just sleep all the time. Well until I have more to say I am signing off. Love you all!

Respecting our Boundaries

2009-04-01T08:47:00.003-04:00

Many of you may have heard the story of how our little Sydney ran off on Saturday evening. She had spent all afternoon in the backyard surrounded by a fence and really enjoyed the freedoms given to her by her owners. She could run and chew on her toys and just have a great time. However, later that evening she saw the front door crack open and took advantage of the fun she had earlier and dashed out the door. She had never been out the front door unless it was from house to car so I am sure she saw this as a delight.

When her owners realized she was gone, fear set in. How would this little dog survive this big world without the surroundings she already knew? Her owner went looking for her but it was late and dark outside, it was hard to find something so small and scared. So the owner went home and with the rest of the family prayed to Father in Heaven to keep this puppy safe and that it would find its way. At 4:30am, the little puppy did. Everyone was so excited and the little puppy even more grateful to be back in familiar territory.

Two things I learned from Sydney's adventure. First, the Lord gives us boundaries for a reason. He puts them in play to keep us safe and happy, but it is our decision to stay within the boundaries given to us. And Second, the mighty power of prayer. I want to go into a little detail on both so I hope you have time to read.

Respecting our boundaries. From the time we are small children our parents give us rules and boundaries. They tell us it is so that we will be safe and happy. The Lord has also given us those same principles to keep us happy and enjoying life. We can choose to leave those boundaries, but like Sydney we might find ourselves lost, scared and feeling alone. We do have the freedom to choose but with choice comes consequence and they can make us happy or leave us feeling vulnerable and miserable.

You may question what some of our boundaries are. For youth, and I think this applies to all age groups, can be set up by some of our easiest principles from who we spend our time with and the activities we choose to participate in. Also our covenants we individually make with our Heavenly Father sets up our own individual boundaries from the time we are baptized to even those covenants we make in the temple. I promise that if we stay within our given boundaries we will be happier and the Lord will bless us.

Now onto prayer. I am a firm believer in prayer. More than anything this past week I have needed something to show me that the Lord is there and that he does listen. When Sydney ran off, my mom was frantic. The first thought that came to my mind was, "Angelina, everything is going to be all right. You need to say a prayer." I sat down and prayed both for my mom and Sydney. I prayed for comfort and patience. We later would pray together as a family and plead to the Lord to have her return home because the weather was not going to be great.

During the whole ordeal I felt at ease and comfortable. I kept telling my mother to relax and be patient that the Lord was looking out for us and whatever will be, will be. Yes I was scared and wanted her home, but the calm and peaceful feelings I was having where no doubt from the Lord. Sure enough the answer to my own personal prayers where answered when Sydney came home. I needed that proof (for my own selfish reasons) that the Lord does answer prayers quickly. She came home and was safe. We couldn't help as a family kneel down again and pray for thanks. Heavenly Father looked out for all of us that night and taught me some valuable lessons.

Again, I hope that my words have some meaning. Often when I have thoughts my mind goes a hundred miles a minute and I just type so I don't forget. I pray that the Lord has helped me convey they message that I tried to share. I love you all!!

Temples

2009-03-21T03:03:00.003-04:00

Well tonight my mother had the opportunity to go to the temple. I have to say I am a bit jealous of her because I would have loved to have gone. Going on such long road trips, and yes an hour is a long time to be in a car in my condition, puts a damper on things. I miss going to the temple and feeling the present of the spirit there and closeness I feel with my Heavenly Father. Although I realize I can have those same feelings right here at home. Though our homes are not considered the Holy Temple, we can still feel a oneness with the Lord in our homes. By making our homes a place of worship. Reading our scriptures, saying our prayers and family oneness we can have that same spirit. I appreciate the opportunities I have had to go to the temple. In a few weeks I plan on going. Note that the key word is plan. There are lots that I have to do to plan. I have to make sure there is enough oxygen for the trip there and back and enough to be in the temple, However, I know that when I am meant to be at the temple as we all are the Lord will provide a way for us to be there. I know there are many people making bigger sacrifices then I am to go to the temple especially those in foreign countries who don't have the luxury of having one so close. So I challenge all my friends who live close to a temple to make an effort in going when and as often as you can. I know it is an important place to be and a lot of work needs to be done there. I will try if you will try. I love being in the House of The Lord. Feeling the spirit and feeling my problems leave me at the door. It is the best feeling and a feeling I want all those who can enjoy to feel it.

Thank You

2009-03-19T13:44:00.002-04:00

I want to thank Christie and Jennifer for the awesome homemade oreos. I got Jenn's yesterday in the mail along with some wonderful smelling lotion. Something I was in need of. I want to thank both of you for your wonderful friendship and the care and support you both have given me. I love you guys!

PS. We had a wonderful surprise visit from newlyweds Sara and Gordon Bolton. They were in Palmyra and came down to Liverpool for dinner. It was a real treat to have them here!

Homemade Oreos

2009-03-15T11:44:00.002-04:00

So back when I was in college I had this really great roommate, Carlee. She introduced me to many great recipes of wonderful food. Like her creamy chicken noodle soup and funeral potatoes. One thing she also introduced me to was homemade oreo cookies. How how good they tasted. So I know I don't ask for a lot but I was thinking if there are any bored people out there who would like to make me some homemade oreos let me know. Just comment at the bottom of the post so not everyone who loves me makes some and then I have more than I need. Just a thought, no one really has to do. Just if your bored and such. Here is the recipe:

HOMEMADE OREOS

2 Devil's Food cake mixes
4 eggs
1 1/2 c. shortening

Mix cake mixes, eggs, shortening. Roll in prune-size balls. Bake at 350 degrees on cookie sheet for 10 minutes. Let cool on cookie sheet.

FILLING:

8 oz. cream cheese
3 c. powdered sugar
1/2 stick butter

Mix filling - put between 2 cooled cookies. Makes about 5 dozen.

Day of Faith: Personal Quests for Purpose: Rachel Esplin and LDS Faith

2009-03-13T11:24:00.001-04:00

I challenge everyone to visit this link. A 20yr old girl from Harvard is asked some pretty tough questions about the LDS religion to which she answers them incredibly.

http://vimeo.com/2120177

How do people make it through life without a sister?--Sara Corpening

2009-03-02T11:53:00.002-05:00

I just thought I would write a short blog about my twin sister Melissa. I want to say how wonderful I think she is and how grateful I am to have her in my life. These days aren't always easy but I know that I can count on her. She is always willing to make sure that my needs are taken care of. And as annoying as it is for her to check up on me in the middle of the night, I am so grateful that she cares enough to do it. Or how I love that she tells me she loves me when I may have just annoyed her. I am so impressed with her many talents. Those talents make her the "house plant" of the family, but it is the kind of house plant that looks and smells good. Or maybe the spiderplant because it grows and touches everyone in a certain way. I love her so much and couldn't have asked Heavenly Father for someone greater. A sister is a forever friend. And even though I don't always show it, Melissa, I love you. You are my best friend and I love having you at home. I couldn't ask for a greater blessing in life right now. To sum up our situation:

Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other. ~Carol Saline

I LOVE YOU!

So I read this talk today....

2009-02-22T10:39:00.003-05:00

Since I can't make it to church some Sundays I decided that those days I would read General Conference talks and my scriptures. Well I just read this talk from the last General Conference and it was so good that I wanted to highlight my favorite parts and then post the rest of the talk for everyone. The Talk was "Let Him do it With Simplicity" by Elder L. Tom Parry. Okay so I will Post it and the just bold in my favorite parts.

Let Him Do It with Simplicity

Elder L. Tom Perry
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

In our search to obtain relief from the stresses of life, may we earnestly seek ways to simplify our lives.

Elder L. Tom PerryThose of us who have been around a while—and Elder Wirthlin and I have been around for a long time—have recognized certain patterns in life’s test. There are cycles of good and bad times, ups and downs, periods of joy and sadness, and times of plenty as well as scarcity. When our lives turn in an unanticipated and undesirable direction, sometimes we experience stress and anxiety. One of the challenges of this mortal experience is to not allow the stresses and strains of life to get the better of us—to endure the varied seasons of life while remaining positive, even optimistic. Perhaps when difficulties and challenges strike, we should have these hopeful words of Robert Browning etched in our minds: “The best is yet to be” (“Rabbi Ben Ezra,” in Charles W. Eliot, ed., The Harvard Classics, 50 vols. [1909–10], 42:1103). We can’t predict all the struggles and storms in life, not even the ones just around the next corner, but as persons of faith and hope, we know beyond the shadow of any doubt that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and the best is yet to come.

I remember a particular period of my life when I was under unusual stress. There were troubles with my employment, and at the same time, my wife was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. This was one of those times when it felt like the adversary had mounted a frontal assault against me and my family. On days when the stresses and anxieties of our tumultuous life were about to get the best of us, my wife and I found a way to relieve them.

We drove to a place just a few miles from our home to get away for a few moments of relief from our troubles, talk, and give emotional comfort to each other. Our place was Walden Pond. It was a beautiful little pond surrounded by forests of trees. When my wife was feeling strong enough, we’d go for a walk around the pond. Other days, when she did not feel up to the exertion of walking, we’d just sit in the car and talk. Walden Pond was our special place to pause, reflect, and heal. Perhaps it was partly due to its history—its connection to the efforts of Henry David Thoreau to separate himself from worldliness for a period of years—that Walden Pond offered us so much hope for simplicity and provided such a renewing escape from our overly complex lives.

It was in March of 1845 that Thoreau decided to move out on the banks of Walden Pond and spend two years trying to figure out what life was all about. He settled on a piece of property owned by his good friend Ralph Waldo Emerson. He purchased an old shanty from a railroad worker, and tore it down. From the lumber from the shanty and the lumber from the woods, he constructed his own cabin. He kept meticulous financial records, and he concluded that for a home and freedom he spent a mere $28.12. He planted a garden, where he sowed peas, potatoes, corn, beans, and turnips to help sustain his simple life. He planted two and a half acres of beans with the intent of using the small profit to cover his needs. Small profit indeed: $8.71.

Thoreau lived quite independent of time. He had neither a clock nor a calendar in his little cabin. He spent his time writing and studying the beauties and wonder of nature that surrounded him, including local plants, birds, and animals. He did not live the life of a hermit—he visited the town of Concord most days, and he invited others to come into his cabin for enlightening conversations. When the two years ended, he left his cabin behind without regret. He considered the time he had spent there a proper amount of time to accomplish his purpose—to experience the spiritual benefits of a simplified lifestyle. He also felt he had other life experiences ahead of him. It was time to move on and explore other opportunities.

From his experiences at Walden Pond, Thoreau determined that there were only four things that a man really needed: food, clothing, shelter, and fuel. I would like to expand on each of these four basic needs of life, as well as the spiritual benefits of a simplified lifestyle.

The first requirement is food. As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we possess sacred knowledge from revealed truth about the relationship between the body and the spirit. Doctrine and Covenants 88:15 states, “The spirit and the body are the soul of man.” To bless us both physically and spiritually, the Lord also revealed to us a law of health, telling us which foods and substances are good for the body and which are not. With these instructions comes the promise found in section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants:

“And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

“And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

“And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

“And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them” (vv. 18–21).

There is no better counsel concerning the Word of Wisdom than that found in the booklet For the Strength of Youth. It states:

“The Lord has commanded you to take good care of your body. To do this, observe the Word of Wisdom, found in Doctrine and Covenants 89. Eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. When you do all these things, you remain free from harmful addictions and have control over your life. You gain the blessings of a healthy body, an alert mind, and the guidance of the Holy Ghost. . . .

“Any drug, chemical, or dangerous practice that is used to produce a sensation or ‘high’ can destroy your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. These include hard drugs, prescription or over-the-counter medications that are abused, and household chemicals” ([2001], 36–37).

We do not want to harm our mortal bodies, for they are a gift from God, and part of our Heavenly Father’s great plan of happiness is the reuniting of our immortal bodies with our spirits.

Another basic necessity is our clothing. A simplified life that brings spiritual blessings requires the wearing of simple and modest clothing. Our dress and grooming send a message to others about who we are, and they also affect the way we act around others. When we are modestly dressed, we also invite the Spirit of the Lord to be a shield and a protection to us.

Worldly trends in women’s fashion are always inviting extremes. With their latest styles many fashion designers appear to be trying to make two or three dresses out of the amount of fabric necessary for one. Mostly, they are taking too much off the top and too much off the bottom of women’s clothing, and occasionally they scrimp in the middle too. Men’s fashions are also adopting extreme styles. In my day they would be called sloppy and inappropriate. I believe very casual dress is almost always followed by very casual manners.

Many of you are trying too hard to be unique in your dress and grooming to attract what the Lord would consider the wrong kind of attention. In the Book of Mormon story of the tree of life, it was the people whose “manner of dress was exceedingly fine” who mocked those who partook of the fruit of the tree. It is sobering to realize that the fashion-conscious mockers in the great and spacious building were responsible for embarrassing many, and those who were ashamed “fell away into forbidden paths and were lost” (1 Nephi 8:27–28).

President N. Eldon Tanner once cautioned us with these words: “Modesty in dress is a quality of mind and heart, born of respect for oneself, one’s fellowmen, and the Creator of us all. Modesty reflects an attitude of humility, decency, and propriety. Consistent with these principles and guided by the Holy Spirit, let parents, teachers, and youth discuss the particulars of dress, grooming, and personal appearance, and with free agency accept responsibility and choose the right” (“Friend to Friend,” Friend, June 1971, 3).

Now let us turn to Thoreau’s third requirement, that of shelter. Newspapers are filled with reports of the current housing crisis. We have been encouraged at almost every general conference of the Church I can remember not to live beyond our means. Our income should determine the kind of housing we can afford, not the neighbor’s big home across the street.

President Heber J. Grant once said: “From my earliest recollections, from the days of Brigham Young until now, I have listened to men standing in the pulpit . . . urging the people not to run into debt; and I believe that the great majority of all our troubles today is caused through the failure to carry out that counsel” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1921, 3).

One of the better ways to simplify our lives is to follow the counsel we have so often received to live within our income, stay out of debt, and save for a rainy day. We should practice and increase our habits of thrift, industry, economy, and frugality. Members of a well-managed family do not pay interest; they earn it.

Thoreau’s final necessity was fuel. We have been hearing a lot about fuel and energy—about their high cost and limited supply, our unsafe and unpredictable dependence on their suppliers, and the need for new and sustainable sources of energy. I leave the discussion of these complicated issues to leaders of government and industry. The fuel I want to discuss is spiritual fuel.

The Lord has given us a beautiful plan about how we can return to Him, but the completion of our mortal journey requires spiritual fuel. We want to emulate the five wise virgins, who had stored sufficient fuel to accompany the bridegroom when he came (see Matthew 25:6–10). What is required to maintain a sufficient store of spiritual fuel? We must acquire knowledge of God’s eternal plan and our role in it, and then by living righteously, surrendering our will to the will of the Lord, we receive the promised blessings.

As Elder William R. Bradford taught at this pulpit: “In righteousness there is great simplicity. In every case that confronts us in life there is either a right way or a wrong way to proceed. If we choose the right way, we are sustained in our actions by the principles of righteousness, in the which there is power from the heavens. If we choose the wrong way and act on that choice, there is no such heavenly promise or power, and we are alone and are destined to fail” (“Righteousness,” Liahona, Jan. 2000, 103; Ensign, Nov. 1999, 85).

Just before Thoreau died, he was asked if he had made peace with God. He replied, “I was not aware we had ever quarreled” (in Mardy Grothe, comp., Viva la Repartee [2005], 181).

In our search to obtain relief from the stresses of life, may we earnestly seek ways to simplify our lives. May we comply with the inspired counsel and direction the Lord has given us in the great plan of happiness. May we be worthy to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost and follow the guidance of the Spirit as we navigate this mortal journey. May we prepare ourselves to accomplish the ultimate purpose of this mortal test—to return and live with our Heavenly Father—is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I hope everyone gets an opportunity to read this and enjoy it as much as i did.

A New Day/ New Challenges

2009-02-19T16:01:00.002-05:00

So a couple of weeks ago I had my nurse come in and check everything out. By far one of my worst weeks since starting hospice. My BP was up and my weight and oxygen both down. My oxygen has been sitting at about 96% for a while which is good for most people. This time however it was settled at 85%, extremely low. The conclusion. I would now need to be on oxygen. What a shocker! I wasn't really expecting it and felt a little let-down because I felt I was doing so good. Never fear. It is for good reason. Everyone wants me hear a little longer and this will do it. I am still trying to adjust to it. Figuring out when I need it and when I really don't need it. Like I need it for sleep, but not when I go to the bathroom. That sort of thing. Plus it makes my room really warm...tight now it is 77 degrees in here. Anyhow. Despite the fact that I have to make a few changes I know that it will make me feel better in the long run.

Miracles/Blessings, My little rant again!

2009-02-10T13:14:00.004-05:00

So I was watching the news the other day and it was about US Airways Flight 1549. The Miracle Flight as some have called it. They talked about how this fight has shown many miracles; but not where this miracle has come from. But the Miracles/Blessings have touched the lives of many around the world along with the passengers on board. The old lady excited to see her grand kids after a long flight, the new groom coming back from a business trip to come home to his new bride. And finally a pilot hoping and praying that he can land this plane safely so that this people can have their everyday blessings. These people will probably remember for the rest of their lives where this miracle came from, but will the rest of the world. So far people have stopped taking about it because of the tragedy of the recent Buffalo Place crash. I won't forget because I am daily looking for my everyday blessings. And even though most days I am sick and can't get out of bed, I look at the blessing of getting up to go to the bathroom, or now that I am on oxygen, I look forward to the blessing of being able to take a breath or talk to someone because that has became even difficult. I look for the blessing of getting to eat a Popsicle or grilled cheese sandwich because that is the only thing I can eat. I look for the blessing Of Jill Stitt who comes over to make sure I am okay because she has been there before. She will bring over flowers and send me cards and sometimes she just sits there and listens to me jabber away with my slurry words. Or Christie who will call to see how I am doing even though she knows I'm not much of a phone person and then she makes it quick and I feel mad. I look forward to the blessing of having enough energy to work on my new hobby, card making. There are so many people I want to thank because there are a lot of people who are blessing in my lives. Pretty much everyone who sits on the left side of the chapel at church on Sunday and there are few who sit elsewhere. You know I love you. The biggest blessing I look forward to everyday, being around my family, my immediate who are there at my beck and call and the extended who come over to show their love at support with little miss Sydney or to see if we need anything. I am truly blessed with great friends, family and great people around me and I can't thank the Lord enough that he blesses me so greatly.

Psalms. 30: 12

"12 To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever."

Mosiah 18: 23
23 And he commanded them that they should observe the asabbath day, and keep it holy, and also every day they should give thanks to the Lord their God.

The Story behind Oscar the Cat

2009-02-08T11:18:00.002-05:00

So the other day my mom and aunt where telling me this story about a cat who could sense death in nursing homes. He would go and sit with patients before they die giving doctors enough time to alert families. Anyway I looked uo the story and found the one about Oscar. Many of you may know we have a family cat named Dora. I don't like cats and especially don't like Dora because when I first moved hoe it was allergy central and my mom refused to get rid of her.

Well for the past month or so Dora has been hanging out in my room in the chair that is in there for guests. Well recently she has moved to hanging out on my bed. Then the past two nights she has worked her way to being on top of me. She will start at my feet and start kneading her way up to my stomach all the way to my shoulder. Anyway it just freaks me out. Thanks mom and Aunt Janel for the lovely story....by the way.....I'm dying but not anytime when the cat says so!

Drugged up so I hope this makes sense.

Oscar the Cat

2009-02-05T06:48:00.000-05:00

Oscar the Cat Predicts Patients' Deaths

By RAY HENRY
The Associated Press
Wednesday, July 25, 2007; 9:37 PM

PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.

"He doesn't make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die," said Dr. David Dosa in an interview. He describes the phenomenon in a poignant essay in Thursday's issue of the New England Journal of Medicine.

"Many family members take some solace from it. They appreciate the companionship that the cat provides for their dying loved one," said Dosa, a geriatrician and assistant professor of medicine at Brown University.

The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. The facility treats people with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and other illnesses.

After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He'd sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours.

Dosa said Oscar seems to take his work seriously and is generally aloof. "This is not a cat that's friendly to people," he said.

Oscar is better at predicting death than the people who work there, said Dr. Joan Teno of Brown University, who treats patients at the nursing home and is an expert on care for the terminally ill

She was convinced of Oscar's talent when he made his 13th correct call. While observing one patient, Teno said she noticed the woman wasn't eating, was breathing with difficulty and that her legs had a bluish tinge, signs that often mean death is near.

Oscar wouldn't stay inside the room though, so Teno thought his streak was broken. Instead, it turned out the doctor's prediction was roughly 10 hours too early. Sure enough, during the patient's final two hours, nurses told Teno that Oscar joined the woman at her bedside.

Doctors say most of the people who get a visit from the sweet-faced, gray-and-white cat are so ill they probably don't know he's there, so patients aren't aware he's a harbinger of death. Most families are grateful for the advanced warning, although one wanted Oscar out of the room while a family member died. When Oscar is put outside, he paces and meows his displeasure.

No one's certain if Oscar's behavior is scientifically significant or points to a cause. Teno wonders if the cat notices telltale scents or reads something into the behavior of the nurses who raised him.

Nicholas Dodman, who directs an animal behavioral clinic at the Tufts University Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine and has read Dosa's article, said the only way to know is to carefully document how Oscar divides his time between the living and dying.

If Oscar really is a furry grim reaper, it's also possible his behavior could be driven by self-centered pleasures like a heated blanket placed on a dying person, Dodman said.

Nursing home staffers aren't concerned with explaining Oscar, so long as he gives families a better chance at saying goodbye to the dying.

Oscar recently received a wall plaque publicly commending his "compassionate hospice care."

___

Sunday Will Come

2009-01-29T02:26:00.003-05:00

I just waned to post this article from the November 2006 Ensign. It was a talk given by Elder Wirthlin at the October 2006 General Conference. I really enjoy reading it and find much comfort in it. I hope all of you who read it will feel the same way.

Sunday Will Come

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Sunday Will Come,” Ensign, Nov 2006, 28–30

I am grateful to be with you today and to draw strength from your testimonies. More than words can express, I am grateful for your kind words of support, your expressions of love, and your prayers.

Today I would like to indulge in a few personal memories.

I was born of goodly parents. From my father, Joseph L. Wirthlin, I learned the values of hard work and compassion. He was bishop of our ward during the Great Depression. He possessed a genuine concern for those in distress. He reached out to those in need not because it was his duty but because it was his sincere desire.

He tirelessly cared for and blessed the lives of many who suffered. In my mind, he was an ideal bishop.

Those who knew my father knew how active he was. Someone once told me that he could do the work of three men. He rarely slowed down. In 1938 he was operating a successful business when he received a call from the President of the Church, Heber J. Grant.

President Grant told him they were reorganizing the Presiding Bishopric that day and wanted my father to serve as counselor to LeGrand Richards. This caught my father by surprise, and he asked if he could pray about it first.

President Grant said, “Brother Wirthlin, there are only 30 minutes before the next session of conference, and I want to have some rest. What do you say?”

Of course, my father said yes. He served 23 years, 9 of them as Presiding Bishop of the Church.

My father was 69 years old when he passed away. I happened to be with him when he suddenly collapsed. Soon after, he was gone.

I often think about my father. I miss him.

My mother, Madeline Bitner, was another great influence in my life. In her youth she was a fine athlete and a champion sprinter. She was always kind and loving, but her pace was exhausting. Often she would say, “Hurry up.” And when she did, we picked up the pace. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I had quick acceleration when I played football.

My mother had great expectations for her children and expected the best from them. I can still remember her saying, “Don’t be a scrub. You must do better.” Scrub was her word for someone who was lazy and not living up to his potential.

My mother passed away when she was 87 years old, and I think about her often and miss her more than I can say.

My younger sister Judith was an author, composer, and educator. She loved many things, including the gospel, music, and archaeology. Judith’s birthday was a few days before mine. Every year I would give her a crisp one-dollar bill as my birthday present to her. Three days later she would give me 50 cents as her birthday present to me.

Judith passed away a few years ago. I miss her and think of her often.

And that brings me to my wife, Elisa. I remember the first time I met her. As a favor to a friend, I had gone to her home to pick up her sister, Frances. Elisa opened the door, and at least for me, it was love at first sight.

I think she must have felt something too, for the first words I ever remember her saying were, “I knew who you was.”

Elisa was an English major.

To this day I still cherish those five words as some of the most beautiful in human language.

She loved to play tennis and had a lightning serve. I tried to play tennis with her, but I finally quit after coming to the realization that I couldn’t hit what I couldn’t see.

She was my strength and my joy. Because of her, I am a better man, husband, and father. We married, had eight children, and walked together through 65 years of life.

I owe more to my wife than I can possibly express. I don’t know if there ever was a perfect marriage, but, from my perspective, I think ours was.

When President Hinckley spoke at Sister Wirthlin’s funeral, he said that it is a devastating, consuming thing to lose someone you love. It gnaws at your soul.

He was right. As Elisa was my greatest joy, now her passing is my greatest sorrow.

In the lonely hours I have spent a great deal of time thinking about eternal things. I have contemplated the comforting doctrines of eternal life.

During my life I have heard many sermons on the Resurrection. Like you, I can recite the events of that first Easter Sunday. I have marked in my scriptures passages regarding the Resurrection and have close at hand many of the key statements uttered by latter-day prophets on this subject.

We know what the Resurrection is—the reuniting of the spirit and body in its perfect form.1

President Joseph F. Smith said “that those from whom we have to part here, we will meet again and see as they are. We will meet the same identical being that we associated with here in the flesh.”2

President Spencer W. Kimball amplified this when he said, “I am sure that if we can imagine ourselves at our very best, physically, mentally, spiritually, that is the way we will come back.”3

When we are resurrected, “this mortal body is raised to an immortal body. … [We] can die no more.”4

Can you imagine that? Life at our prime? Never sick, never in pain, never burdened by the ills that so often beset us in mortality?

The Resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless. The Apostle Paul said, “If Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and [our] faith is also vain.”5

In all the history of the world there have been many great and wise souls, many of whom claimed special knowledge of God. But when the Savior rose from the tomb, He did something no one had ever done. He did something no one else could do. He broke the bonds of death, not only for Himself but for all who have ever lived—the just and the unjust.6

When Christ rose from the grave, becoming the firstfruits of the Resurrection, He made that gift available to all. And with that sublime act, He softened the devastating, consuming sorrow that gnaws at the souls of those who have lost precious loved ones.

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

I testify to you that the Resurrection is not a fable. We have the personal testimonies of those who saw Him. Thousands in the Old and New Worlds witnessed the risen Savior. They felt the wounds in His hands, feet, and side. They shed tears of unrestrained joy as they embraced Him.

After the Resurrection, the disciples became renewed. They traveled throughout the world proclaiming the glorious news of the gospel.

Had they chosen, they could have disappeared and returned to their former lives and occupations. In time, their association with Him would have been forgotten.

They could have denied the divinity of Christ. Yet they did not. In the face of danger, ridicule, and threat of death, they entered palaces, temples, and synagogues boldly proclaiming Jesus the Christ, the resurrected Son of the living God.

Many of them offered as a final testimony their own precious lives. They died as martyrs, the testimony of the risen Christ on their lips as they perished.

The Resurrection transformed the lives of those who witnessed it. Should it not transform ours?

We will all rise from the grave. And on that day my father will embrace my mother. On that day I will once again hold in my arms my beloved Elisa.

Because of the life and eternal sacrifice of the Savior of the world, we will be reunited with those we have cherished.

On that day we will know the love of our Heavenly Father. On that day we will rejoice that the Messiah overcame all that we could live forever.

Because of the sacred ordinances we receive in holy temples, our departure from this brief mortality cannot long separate relationships that have been fastened together with cords made of eternal ties.

It is my solemn testimony that death is not the end of existence. “If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.”7 Because of the risen Christ, “death is swallowed up in victory.”8

Because of our beloved Redeemer, we can lift up our voices, even in the midst of our darkest Fridays, and proclaim, “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?”9

When President Hinckley spoke of the terrible loneliness that comes to those who lose the ones they love, he also promised that in the quiet of the night a still, unheard voice whispers peace to our soul: “All is well.”

I am grateful beyond measure for the sublime true doctrines of the gospel and for the gift of the Holy Ghost, which has whispered to my soul the comforting and peaceful words promised by our beloved prophet.

From the depths of my sorrow, I have rejoiced in the glory of the gospel. I rejoice that the Prophet Joseph Smith was chosen to restore the gospel to the earth in this last dispensation. I rejoice that we have a prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley, who directs the Lord’s Church in our day.

May we understand and live in thanksgiving for the priceless gifts that come to us as sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father and for the promise of that bright day when we shall all rise triumphant from the grave.

That we may always know that no matter how dark our Friday, Sunday will come is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes

1. See Alma 11:43.

2. Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph F. Smith (1998), 91.

3. The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball (1982), 45.

4. Alma 11:45.

5. 1 Corinthians 15:14.

6. See John 5:28–29.

7. 1 Corinthians 15:19.

8. 1 Corinthians 15:54.

9. 1 Corinthians 15:55.
^ Back to top

« Previous Article: Holy Scriptures: The Power of God unto Our Salvation

Next Article: Look toward Eternity! »

Daling's Visit

2009-01-26T19:19:00.004-05:00

So I feel bad because my Daling came to visit and I just was really out of it. I was on new medication which I am still feeling right now that made it difficult for me to socialize. Anyway. I loved having her here and playing Comic Book Guess Who and Mario Cart. Though I did fall asleep while playing Mario Cart. Believe it! Anyway here are some pictures to prove the good times. Okay actually we never manage to take pictures during the trip but always at the end of the trip.

Me and Libbie Hegvik

Me and Libbie making a goofy face.

From up top!

Sydney the Yorkie

2009-01-17T17:46:00.004-05:00

Hi Everyone! Well I wanted to announce that I got a new little gift for myself. Yesterday after looking for a while, I got myself a puppy. A little Yorkie whom I have named Sydney. She is so cute and so full of life. She is only 3 months old and weighs in at 2 pounds. She is as cute as a button.

She is fitting in well with the other dogs. The cat has yet to make her appearance but only because she just got de-clawed and doesn't want anything to do with anyone. She is so funny. She hops around and when she gets really excited she hops sideways. It is so funny. She is teething right now so you have to watch out for your bare toes which she loves to try and get. She also likes to play tug of war with your pant leg. As feisty as she is, she is just as sweet and cuddly as can be. We took a little nap today and she contently lay for hours.

I went out to get her a new little outfit and some puppy pads and my mom watched her. When we got home she was situated nicely on my moms shoulder watching her play on the computer. Anyway....she truly is a nice addition to the house. Hopefully we will have more stories and pics to come.

Sydney sitting with Melissa

Sydney with her new brother Pepe. He is a Chihuahua, which goes to show how small she is.

My cousin Ben, Sydney and I. Just cute!

Shout out to my Poppi

2009-01-14T14:19:00.005-05:00

So today my grands came over for a visit. They brought me a walkman so that if I wanted to listen to music or talk radio while I was in bed I could and the best thing they brought were clementine oranges. Most of you my know that I love oranges despite the little blisters I get in my mouth. It was a nice treat and they smelt wonderful.

Anyway today Poppi and I were talking about how technology is changing and there are too many buttons on a remote control. He talked about his DVD player that is supposed to record but it doesn't. I have to say that I agree with my grandfather on most of this. Mostly I agree because I am not technology savvy at all. Anyway he continued about words that kids use and he doesn't understand. What word do you think he gave as a reference? Yes that's right BLOG. He didn't know what a blog was. I gladly pulled mine up and proceeded to explain to him what one was and how to get to one you just type in the address as if you were going to any website. Overall the lesson was successful, so I had to write about it. Plus I love my Poppi and his stories about how the Westend was a sketchy area back in his day.

Spiritual Healing

2009-01-05T23:26:00.017-05:00

Sunday at church was truly wonderful. I feel so blessed that I was able to go to all three hours and hear the wonderful testimonies that where shared. I am especially grateful for the lesson that was given in Relief Society. The title of the lesson was "Balm of Gilead". The lesson started with the question about what wounds could the Savior heal that were of non-physical nature. Some of the answers that were given were depression, loneliness, anger and others. When I looked at the list I realized all those were done for me and at times they are still done for me.

Throughout the lesson I thought about being physically healed versus being spiritually healed. I am told so many times, "Angelina, you are such a good person why hasn't your cancer gone away?" I usually have no response or say I wish for the same. However, as I was sitting listening to the lesson, I got this overwhelming feeling that I didn't need to be physically healed and at this time the Lord is not planning on Physically Healing me. Right now the LORD IS SPIRITUALLY HEALING ME. In my opinion being spiritually healed is far more superior than being physically healed. A broken arm can easily be taken care of, but a broken testimony of our Savior takes time and patience and care that can only be given by the Lord and the patient.

How can we become Spiritually Healed? James E Faust suggests this in his talk "Spiritual Healing" from his April General Conference talk in 1992, "Someway, somehow, we must find the healing influence that brings solace to the soul. Where is this balm? Where is the compensating relief so desperately needed to help us survive in the world’s pressures? The onsetting comfort in large measure can come through increased communion with the Spirit of God. This can bring spiritual healing." He suggests that part of being spiritually healed in through increased communion with the Lord. How might we do this? Again he gives some great advice in this talk when he says, "However, for many of us, the spiritual healing takes place not in great arenas of the world, but in our own sacrament meetings. It is comforting to worship, partake of the sacrament with, and be taught in a spirit of humility by neighbors and close friends who love the Lord and try to keep his commandments."

After church on Sunday I went home and read these talks and understood why the spirit touched me so. I can feel the difference when I am at church rather than when I am at home. Now there are many Sundays that I am unable to make it because of my illness, but I know that when I am there I am sitting and gaining strength from the talks given, testimonies being shared, the little acts of service that members do for each other, like holding a crying baby so that a mother can tend to another upset child, or a youth helping and elderly sister with her bags. These are all things that touch my spirit and help me grow and heal.

The last portion of the lesson was from the Joseph Smith Manual from Lesson 14 "Words of Hope and Consolation at the Time of Death" To be honest, when I walked into Relief Society that day, I had to giggle. Of all the Sundays I feel the best to attend church it would be this one.

Anyway. I loved the portions of this lesson that Rebecca Emerich shared with us because some of my worries and fears were set aside.

Before I get to those there was a story shared in one portion of the lesson manual that was not shared in class that later too brought me comfort. The Porphet was at a funeral of a two-year old girl. He said while there (and y favorite part is in bold), "“We have again the warning voice sounded in our midst, which shows the uncertainty of human life; and in my leisure moments I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …

“… The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope."

What a comfort for me, that at my young age, 26, I get to spend a little more time in Heaven.

One of my biggest fears about dying. After reading another book and then these words of the Prophet Jospeh, I no longer fear. He said, "“And may we contemplate these things so? Yes, if we learn how to live and how to die. When we lie down we contemplate how we may rise in the morning; and it is pleasing for friends to lie down together, locked in the arms of love, to sleep and wake in each other’s embrace and renew their conversation.

“Would you think it strange if I relate what I have seen in vision in relation to this interesting theme? Those who have died in Jesus Christ may expect to enter into all that fruition of joy when they come forth, which they possessed or anticipated here.

“So plain was the vision, that I actually saw men, before they had ascended from the tomb, as though they were getting up slowly. They took each other by the hand and said to each other, ‘My father, my son, my mother, my daughter, my brother, my sister.’ And when the voice calls for the dead to arise, suppose I am laid by the side of my father, what would be the first joy of my heart? To meet my father, my mother, my brother, my sister; and when they are by my side, I embrace them and they me."

I am no longer afraid to die. I am trying, with the Lord's help to spiritually heal myself. I think at this point in my life all I need is more spiritual healing and less physical. At times when I am physical pain I find myself turning towards the Lord anyway. I find my testimony in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ expanding.

No I am not afraid. I look forward when my own father will grab me by the hand and welcome me home. I look forward to meeting family members that have gone before me. There is much work that needs to be done in the Spirit World and I look forward to taking part of that. I am so grateful for the time that I have had on this earth and at times I too wish I would get to spend a little longer here. You never now. Sometimes you are put in the Refiners fire until it is so hot, that you can't take it anymore, then you are brought out and shaped and molded again. My refining processing is proving challenging at times but I wouldn't ask for it any other way.

I too hope for a miracle of a physical healing, but after the words that were spoken on Sunday during Relief Society, I am satisfied and thrilled to be spiritually healed. After all, wouldn't you rather your spirits be healed since are bodies are just a vessel for our spirits?

PS....I hope this all makes sense because once again....little late/early that this is all going down.

Smilebox

2009-01-04T01:48:00.002-05:00

So this is my first time using smilebox to post pictures for my blog. I wanted to try it out for my friends who don't have facebook and might want to see more than one picture at a time. I am not too sure I like it but maybe because I have to learn how to use it more. Anyway....to those out there without facebook do you like the idea or not?

2009-01-03T22:02:00.002-05:00

Make a Smilebox photobook

'Tis the Season(FAMILY)

2008-12-27T11:05:00.004-05:00

I know that Christmas is over and the New Year is coming up, however, I have the holiday feeling for some time after Christmas and New Year. I thought I would blog a little about family.

Family is really important to me. Knowing that my time here on earth is limited I have just had this need to be surrounded by family. I mean to brag when I say this, but I have the best family. I couldn't ask for anything better. We aren't perfect (we are pretty close) but it's everything I want.

I especially think a lot about my family around this time of year because of all the struggle that my family has gone through in the previous years during the holiday season. One of the hardest things I struggle with his not having my father around during the holidays. 4 years ago my father passed away December 20th and it was our first Christmas without him. As the years have come and gone they get a little easier but there is still the void of him being there. I can, however, sense him with our family. Watching us open presents, doing secret Santa, eating dinner and watching us all just have a good time.

This year for Christmas I told everyone that there was nothing that I wanted or needed for Christmas I just wanted to be around my family. The Lord truly blessed us by allowing the time for Michael and Nicole to fly out from Texas to spend the holidays with us. It has been such a gift to have them around.

I want to tell my family how much I love them and how grateful I am for everything they do for me. My mom is just a dream. She will drop what she is doing to help me in anyway she can and she never complains. I have a hard time with stairs and my mom is willing to take my water glass that sits on my night stand, walk down the flight of stairs, and fill it with ice cold water for me. She will sit in the bathroom with me when I am getting sick. She won't say anything because she knows physically there is nothing she can do but having her presence in the bathroom with me is the best feeling, knowing I am not sitting getting sick by myself. I am so impressed with how strong my mom is and how strong her testimony is. Not many woman could watch their husband die and then a few years later have to do it again but this time watch her child suffer. I don't know how she does it but I want to be like her so much because of it.

I am so grateful for my sister Melissa. She does so much for me too, which she may not realize. Her just asking me if there is anything that I need is enough. It makes me feel grateful that if there is something that I needed she would be willing to do it. I feel bad because she wants to hug me and there are days where I am just in so much pain that I don't want to be touched and I want to give her a hug and can't.

I am grateful for my Uncle Jim and Aunt Karen and all that they do for my family. It is such a blessing having them live just a few blocks away. The other night I had this feeling that I just wanted them to come over. I was laying in bed, not feeling so great. Melissa called them up and they dropped what they were doing and they were over.

My family does many wonderful things for me and their acts of Christ-like love are something they do all year round not just during the time when everyone is told they should. The practice the Love of Christ everyday all year round and I feel proud to be a part of it. I think that my family sets a great example to the people around them and I feel a little bad about bragging about them but I am just so thankful for them that I can't help it.

In the November 2002 Ensign (LDS Church Magazine) Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "Our family is the focus of our greatest work and joy in this life; so will it be throughout all eternity."

I think a lot of the work my family does is within our own family. We take care of each other and we make sure that everyone has their needs met. I challenge everyone, new young families, and older families, all families to try to focus on Christ-like love in the family, all year round and not just feel obligated to do during the holidays. I guarantee that if you focus on it everyday, you will find more love and more happiness in your family.

FAMILY I LOVE YOU!

HOPE Isn't a 4 Letter Word

2008-12-11T01:35:00.008-05:00

***I wrote this message at 2am on anxiety pills, sorry if you have to dig a little deeper to catch the meaning of what I say....I mean I know what I was trying to say. Good Luck.***

So I was thinking about the word HOPE the other day. I thought about how it must have several meanings for different people in different situations. I pondered what the church thought and if I was on the right path of thinking about what Hope means to me. So I browesed the church website, www.lds.org, and came across some stuff that I would like to share, along with sharing my own thoughts.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
The word hope is sometimes misunderstood. In our everyday language, the word often has a hint of uncertainty. For example, we may say that we hope for a change in the weather or a visit from a friend. In the language of the gospel, however, the word hope is sure, unwavering, and active. Prophets speak of having a "firm hope" (Alma 34:41) and a "lively hope" (1 Peter 1:3). The prophet Moroni taught , "Whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God" (Ether 12:4).
When we have hope, we trust God's promises. We have a quiet assurance that if we do "the works of righteousness," we "shall receive [our] reward, even peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come" (D&C 59:23). Mormon taught that such hope comes only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ: "What is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise" (Moroni 7:41).

Angelina's Thoughts on HOPE:
Hope as been a primary player in the last inning of my life. I here the word Hope and I automatically link it to faith. As you read in the above, when we have hope, we trust God's promises. When I trust God I have faith in him that he will fulfill his promises, with the requisite of keeping the commandments of God and keeping the covenants I have made with him. I daily go about my life these days striving to do a little better. I want to strive to be perfect but I am so imperfect. I HOPE that in the Spirit World I will be met by my family and that there will be work for me to do. I have FAITH in Heavenly Father, that His plan will be carried out in the manner he sees best. I know the Lord is in total Control. He knows the beginning to the end. Where do we find hope? The scriptures and our church leaders tell us that we can find hope in the Savior Jesus Christ and that we should turn our minds and hearts to him.

I try to find hope. I think often times people get scared when they here the word hope, because in their minds hope is just wishful thinking. Remember how when you were in High School or College, and you just crammed for that big test? You go to sit at your desk wondering if you will remember everything you studied, then the professor sticks the test on your desk, and what is the last thing you say? "I HOPE I get and A on this test." Then later that day the professor has the grades on a sheet of paper posted on his office door. You shove through the crowd of people who are looking to see if their hopes came true also. Then you spot your grade, a C, you are immediately let down and vow you will never hope for something like that again. Elder Neal A Maxwell said, "Life's disappointments often represent the debris of our failed, proximate hopes." The reassuringly he adds, "Ultimate hope is a different matter. It is tied to Jesus and the blessings of the great Atonement, blessings resulting in the universal Resurrection and the precious opportunity provided thereby for us to practice emancipating repentance, making possible what the scriptures call “a perfect brightness of hope” (2 Ne. 31:20).--October 1998 General Conference, "Hope Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ"

I love how everything in the Gospel of Jesus Christ intertwines, but it can also cause for pages and pages and pages of writing bring everything back to one concept. My concept is HOPE.

Anyway. What I want my friends to know, and whoever else reads this blog, is that I have hope and it is through the Atonement. I have hope in the Atonement and because of the Atonement that I can live in the eternities and that this life now isn't my last stop. That once I leave this earth-life I have more to look forward to, and in fact better. There is work that needs to be done in the Spirit World, and I can only Hope and have Faith that Heavenly Father will trust me with some of those responsibilities.

Everyday Miracles

2008-11-25T23:10:00.002-05:00

One of the biggest things I could ask for right now, and I know a lot of people could ask for, is a miracle. A miracle that somehow this disease that I have will just disappear. It would be wonderful and I would feel so overwhelmed with happiness. However, the more I keep thinking about getting a miracle the more depressed I become. It then dawned on me. I should start looking for the small everyday miracles.

Everyday miracles are just the ordinary things on life. This past Saturday I experienced my own miracle. For me it was the opportunity to see my friend Karen be married to the man she loves. I count this as a miracle because after weeks of not being able to get out of bed, I was able to spend a few hours getting ready and attending the wedding. It was a miracle to see the happiness in Karen and Derek's face when they were announced as husband and wife.

I think all too often we get so consumed with our wants and desires and hoping and searching for big miracles that we forget the small everyday miracles. Or perhaps we have just stopped believing in miracles and He who provides those miracles. In the Book of Mormon, Mormon 9:17-20 reads:

" 17 Who shall say that it was not a miracle that by his ^aword the heaven and the earth should be; and by the power of his word man was ^bcreated of the ^cdust of the earth; and by the power of his word have miracles been wrought?

18 And who shall say that Jesus Christ did not do many mighty ^amiracles? And there were many ^bmighty miracles wrought by the hands of the apostles.

19 And if there were ^amiracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he ^bchangeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.

20 And the reason why he ceaseth to do ^amiracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and depart from the right way, and know not the God in whom they should ^btrust."

I believe in Miracles. I believe that the Lord blesses us. He blesses us everyday, with EVERDAY BLESINGS. Some of my blessings include my wonderful family and good friends. I am so grateful for those blessings because they remind me that I am not alone. I challenge all of you to look for the Everyday Blessings/Miracles.

Hospice Care

2008-11-15T09:09:00.003-05:00

My oncologist has finally put me on home hospice care. I'm not sure of the full details and I should know more this week. My cancer is growing and there isn't anything more that the doctors can do for me except provide comfort care. The point for hospice is so I don't have to leave my home, hospice can do the same things that my doctors can do from the comfort of my home. It makes it a lot easier for me seeing as my energy is being consistently drained by the littlest things. So that is my short little update. More to come in the future.

Busy week for me.

2008-11-09T14:47:00.002-05:00

So I know that most people have busy weeks and that they may think that their weeks are busier than mine. However, considering my condition and how much effort it takes me these days, doing the littlest things make it hard for me. So anyway, this week I consider to be busy. Thursday I had to go to the doctors. I woke up Weds. morning with what looked like pink eye. The whole area around my eye was swollen and it hurt so bad. I felt like there was something in my eye. Anyway thursday I went in to see my doctor to see what was going on. I didn't have any drainage and it wasn't itchy which made me think it wasn't pink eye. So the doc checked out my eye he wasn't sure what was going on and said that it might be pink eye but he wanted to double check things before prescribing an antibiotic so he sent me to a opthamologist and set me up to have a head CT to make sure it wasn't cancer related. So after meeting with him we went over to see the eye doctor. We sat forever, ok not forever but it felt like it. When I finally got in the doctor wasn't sure. He said it wasn't pink eye. He said that there must have been something in my eye because my eye was a little scratched, but he didn't see anything in my eye. He did some more tests and still couldn't see anything but still noticed that my lower eyelid was swollen. He called for the head eye doc to look at my eye. He found the culprit of the pain. So because of chemo most of my eyelashes fell out. Well they have grown back in longer and thicker than they were before. Anyhow, an eyelash was growing in on the inside of my eyelid instead of the outside. This pesky little eyelash caused all the problems. The doctor had to numb my lower lid and pull it out with some tweezers....it hurt but my eye felt so good afterward. I still had to have a head CT on friday considering my advance stage of cancer and I won't find out those results until weds. this week. I doubt there is anything going. Then on saturday Melissa and I spent some time getting things to celebrate my mom's birthday. I know this may not seem like a lot to many of you but for me it is. All of the running around makes me sick. So sick that I vomit and end up in bed all day long the next day. Its awful and frustrating at the same time. I hate not having any energy to do the simple tasks. Going to the grocery store takes so much out of me. Anyway.....just thought I would blog about all the eye excitement!

Not a Political Plug...Just Funny

2008-10-27T22:09:00.000-04:00

Cute Little Hairdos

2008-10-22T19:33:00.002-04:00

So this is a little tribute to really rockin' hairdos that only really cute cancer patients and really cute 4yr olds can pull off.

A New Blog, Finally

2008-10-12T16:15:00.007-04:00

Hey Everyone. So I promised a new blog and here it is. I have spent the last three weeks traveling. About a week in the car and two weeks in Texas. It was great to see my brother and sister. I saw Nicole a few months ago but it had been over a year since I last saw my brother. It was good to have the family together minus Melissa who unfortunately had to work.

I was sick most of the trip and dropped at least 10lbs. Not that I wanted to drop the weight especially since I have lost so much in the last two months already. I have no more muscle mass and I am malnourished. Thanks to having no muscle, I am freezing all the time. I did meet with a herbalist/homeopathic doctor while I was in Texas. He put me on a new diet and supplements to hopefully make me feel better and get some nourishment. He also is known for his clinic in Mexico which has been known to cure cancer. Obviously it is in Mexico because his treatments are not FDA approved. He would like me to go down and be treated there for two months. I would have to move down to Del Rio, TX for the two months. Overall, the cost for this treatment would be about $60,000, which I can not afford. Insurance doesn't cover it. Anyway you can check out his site at www.drhines.net.

After our little Texas trip we stopped in Nauvoo Illinois. I have never been and wanted to check out all the church history spots. It truly was a testimony building experience of what the early Saints had to go through. I feel truly blessed to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We also got to spend a little time in Carthage. It was so surreal to be there. Standing in the room where Joseph Smith spent his last days was very humbling. Anyway I posted some pictures of the trip for you all to enjoy!
Above: Joseph Smith Family homestead in Nauvoo

Above: Carthage Jail
Above: Nauvoo Temple

Above: My mom and Emmeline baking, or stop in MO

Me, Michael and Nicole

New Blog Coming Soon

2008-10-10T06:03:00.001-04:00

I promise that I will have a new blog soon. I have been on the road and haven't been able to actually sit down and write.....

Fluid on the Belly

2008-09-18T08:56:00.002-04:00

Hey Everyone! This is going to be a short blog because I am leaving for Texas in a short bit. I just wanted to give everyone an update on how I am doing. So despite that I have stopped chemo all my blood counts and levels are still normal. Nothing wrong or serious. My CEA is climbing, but slower than what we all thought it would.

I was sick for two weeks straight. I was unable to eat and most of everything I drank came up. The doctors were real concerned about this because I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. Though I can assure everyone you can't really tell because I look like I am at least 6 months pregnant with my chemo baby as we like to call it. I think in the long run all it was, was a stomach bug. I spoke with my nurse and she said a lot of patients called in with the same problem. Plus I have started to eat again. Well, I should say nibble again.

I have a hard time eating mostly because I just feel full all the time. This is also causing me to lose weight and yesterday my oncologist found out why. There is fluid around my belling, which causes the pregnant look but also gives me the full feeling. This could be potentially dangerous because if the fluid keeps coming it can cause pressure on my lungs making it extremely hard to breathe, which it is already hard. When I get back from Texas the plan may be to drain the fluid and to also have some CT Scans and an MRI on my brain to make sure I have normal brain function. Overall, my mood is good and I can't complain. Though it would be nice to eat a normal meal soon.

Ladies, Lets Start the Bidding at $50

2008-09-08T13:21:00.003-04:00

Okay Ladies.....Here is a story for you about a super terrific guy that I know. So the other day I was kind of having a downer of a day. I just wasn't feeling well at all. So I talked with a good friend of mine named Devin. I have known him for a little over 5 years now. Anyway....he is one of those few people that when he asks how you are doing, he really wants to know.

Well Weds. I had a meeting with my oncologist and had to get a couple of prescriptions and my port cleaned out. When I got home I went upstairs because some of my medicine was making me a little droopy. Well I was in bed for about an hour when my sister knocked on my door and brought in a box from a flower company. I was a little out of it at first and then started to catch on. I opened the box and inside found this bouquet of tulips(which are my favorite flowers) and some iris. There was also a cute little teddy bear and an encouraging note from Devin.

I started to cry at first and then got a smile. I am so grateful that I am so blessed to have such a wonderful friend like him. Okay, not that I need flowers but it was that he thought of me in my time of needing a friend and did his thing.

So ladies.....What be my bid? Lets start out at $50, will anyone give me $50....$50 to the lady in the back, who will give me $100?...$200!!! $200 to the lady in the front row with the lazy eye......

The truth is....no one could afford a friend like Devin. He truly is one in a million.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

2008-09-03T10:41:00.002-04:00

*****DISCLOSURE*****I have decided that I can't let other people control my blog especially to the point of me blocking it from people reading it. I did this blog so that people in a similar situation as I, can read this and realize that they can still live a normal life despite challenges we may face. If you are uncomfortable reading this or feel like you may take offense to it, then don't read it. I appreciate my friends reading it because they can definitely pick out my sarcasm amongst the reality. Most of my readers realize that to deal with stressful situations I throw in sarcasm and jokes, just to lighten the mood. So again, if you take offense to what I write, that is your problem. This isn't designed to spare peoples feelings, rather to face the harsh truth that life isn't always pleasant.******

On to the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Last night I was lying in bed thinking about the things that I maybe could have done or should have done and if they would had made a big difference in my life. Some of those things are as follows:

1. I had the opportunity to take a Religious History tour in South America when I was in college and receive credit. I wanted to do it but I didn't want to add another $5,000 to my loan list. Should I have done it anyway?

2. I was offered a job in NYC working for a Magazine Publishing firm. The first year pay was not great and I would have had to live on bread and water . However, after the second year my pay would have more than tripled. Should I have done it?

3. Instead of taking a year off from school should I have gone to U of U to get my masters?

4. I could have jumped off a bridge and landed in the water below with some of my friends, but I didn't because I didn't want to get hurt.

5. I could have given that guy in my ward a chance, but didn't.

6. I could have gone to Las Vegas with my sister, but I didn't because I didn't want to miss class.

Anyway, you get the idea of all these shoulda, coulda, woulda things. However, though some of these sound really good, I know the Lord was directing my path in all the things that I have done.

I finished school on time with excellent grades, I was offered a really great job here in Syracuse, and I have had many friends surround me with love. As weird as it may sound I am so grateful for this ugly cancer stuff. It has been a difficult road but at the same time a road less traveled. I have learn a lot and have met some really wonderful people. Had it not been for my cancer I would have never met Chad. Had it not been for my cancer I would have never moved from the Singles Branch back to the Family ward and befriended all the wonderful ladies there....Mindy, Robyn, Stephanie...etc. Had it not been for my cancer I would have not been able to experience the blessings of the Temple.....eventually I would have....but the blessing came sooner. Had it not been for this cancer, I would not have been able to share my testimony with my non-member family and friends, let alone my testimony with anyone.

I guess the moral is, is that we can't dwell on the shoulda, coulda, woulda's in life. We are each at a certain point in our life because our Heavenly Father wants us to be there. It may feel difficult at times but he is here helping us along the way and there is a reason for it. Pete Rose once said, "You owe it to yourself to be the best you can possibly be....in baseball and in life."

I Think I'll Go to Boston

2008-09-01T18:42:00.004-04:00

Hey Everyone. I got back from Boston this week. It was a pretty fun trip. We spent a couple of days in CT visiting my aunt, uncle and cousin before my cousin headed off to Italy for a year. We then moved onto MA. We spent a little of our time in Salem which is one of the coolest places I have been. We took a trolley tour and the showed us some of the history of Salem. We were going to go on a "Ghost Walk" but we missed it. My mom and I decided we will have to go back during Halloween time for all the festivities. I love history so it was a real treat for me. We got to see where many of Nathaniel Hawthornes books were inspired including The Seven Gables. It was super fun. We then went to Boston for my appointment with Dana-Farber. It was really nice being there and everyone was very friendly and helpful. As far as standard treatment I have done it all. I was put on a waiting list for some studies but that could take a few months. I was also offered the option of doing a Phase 1 Trial. A Phase 1 Trial is a chemo drug that has never been tested on a human. It comes directly from the lab. There are some good and bad things associate with it.

Anyway. We left the appointment and got lost. We stopped to look at our map and low and behold we stopped right across the street from the CHEERS bar. It was pretty cool. The next day we went to go tour the USS Constitution which was also very cool. I have to say that I think I prefer Boston of NYC....but that is just me. My mom and I also went to the Boston Temple for a session. I just love going to the temple and being able to escape the things of the world. I feel so close to my Heavenly Father when I am there. I feel really blessed to have the opportunity to go to the Temple. Anyway....that was my trip. Unfortunately a few days after getting back I have gotten sick. With what I have no idea. I haven't been able to eat and I have been throwing up whatever there is in me. I spent 12 hour in the ER the other night just to be told they couldn't find anything wrong with me. Oh well, it could be worse. Besides they gave me some really nice drugs to help with the pain.

Naps in Missouri

2008-08-18T11:15:00.003-04:00

So I got here to Missouri on Thursday last week. I had a lot of mixed emotions about coming, especially since Chad and I are no longer engaged. I was afraid it would be weird, and honestly, it hasn't been too weird. Anyway....Chad had the kids on Saturday. I was super excited to see them and I was showered with hugs and a million and a half stories about what has gone on since the last time that I saw them. The three oldest talked my ears off about the new school year. Megan just started Kindergarten and loves it and had so many stories to share. I got them some visors that we decorated and had a blast.

Later that afternoon we decided to take the kids on a walk. Preston and Emmeline, the two youngest, were a little cranky and we were hoping they would fall asleep. Sure enough they did. This is what we found when we stopped the stroller. Can I just say too cute!

The Olympics

2008-08-13T14:26:00.002-04:00

Can I just say I love Olympic Season. What a way for the world to come together. It is a great way for the world to show a better light, despite all the bad things going on. So far I have been really impressed with all the separate controversies going on with the Olympics. Did anyone watch the opening ceremonies? Did you see the cute little girl in the red dress that was singing? Did you know that she lip-synced to the song? Its true, she did. Apparently the little girl that actually sang the song wasn't "cute" enough, had buck teeth and did not portray the image that China wanted to present to the world. Another controversy would be the picture of the Spanish basketball team making there eyes look slanted, "Chinese". Why such a controversy? Well one of there sponsors is a China-based sneaker company and the owner was the guy lifted in the air to light the Olympic torch. Not only that but how offensive could that be. Just appalling. Despite these little controversies, and there are more, the world is still able to come together to cheer each other on. During the gymnastics meet the people in the stands, mostly all chinese, cheered for all the countries participating. Or when Kerri Walsh lost her wedding ring in thousands of pounds of sand during her volleyball meet, people of all nationalities volunteered to sift through the sand to find it, which they did. So why is it that only during the Olympics the world can come together? Why not all the time?

What....Pregnant?!?

2008-08-06T08:52:00.002-04:00

So many of you know how much I love to stay current on the news. Whether it is by paper/radio/television. Well since I am not working right now I don't get the paper and I don't listen to the radio as often....I do however spend more time checking the news via internet. So I came across this news piece about this transgender "man" who was pregnant. In my opinion this "man" will always be a woman. Despite that s/he has grown hair and had her breasts removed. S/he kept her reproductive system in tact so that s/he could one day have a child. Is this person still wanting to be a woman? Its just sad to think that our world is at this point, where things like this are acceptable. Blah....anyway....here is a link to the article...I guess s/he appeared on Oprah.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4581943

Shout out to my Peeps!

2008-08-04T02:24:00.008-04:00

HHey all of you great and wonderful friends of mine. Just think about you all and wanting to say thanks for being so great. I love you all!!

Little miss Rosie, you are the greatest 6year old I know. I loved taking you for a princess make over for your birthday.

Heather I am glad you are so close there in Philly....we have been through it all.....remember gymnastics in HS? Sheesh! And now look at you, a great(super) mom of 5 wonderful kids.

Kylee and Carlee....I love you guys so much....thanks for being there for me when my Dad passed away. You guys are great roommates.

Devin....what can I say, You truly are a great friend! Love Ya!

Hector my love Nectar. I love you and just think you are terrific. I loved how the ward thought we were dating and we were the talked about gossip all summer long....wanna do it again? You are going to be one awesome doctor even though you are going to Med School in Arizona. I forgive you.

Lastly, My Daling!!! Libbie.....I love you so much. I could't ask for a better friend.....a best friend. You have been there through it all. I can always count on you to drop everything and come to my rescue. I miss being in college and going to your house on those 3 day weekends.....minus the whole, "Early bird catches the worm" thing.....I can always count on a good time with you, our TV interviews and model photo shoots.....no wonder theres "haters"....I can't wait until our daytime debut on Ellen.....wonderful how she called us and wants to do a special story on the power of friendship.....I almost had to turn her down because Oprah and Dr. Phil wanted to do the same show on the same day....don't worry, I rescheduled them with my mad scheduling skills. Thanks for always coming here....I will be there in Richmond after my many upcoming trips.....Book signings have me busy.....I land in Missouri first and then jet set back to NY for a signing and then its off to Boston....I have a two day signing there followed by a signing at Yale University...then its off to Alaska for another signing....I might try to catch some fish while I am there....I remember it seemed like Andrew had some luck....and after Alaska it is Portland and Seattle....they can't get enough of me there.....then after all that another stop in NY to recoup and then the long awaited trip to Richmond where the long awaited MTV world premiere of the new music video, "THE DALING THING" by L and A....yes its true....my how famous are we....Libbie Hegvik and Angelina Petrella.....together conquering the world!!

The Best Pedicure Ever!!

2008-07-19T20:40:00.003-04:00

Hey Everyone......So here I go attempting another blog. I am not very successful yet but I am trying. I want everyone to welcome Daling to the blog today. Yes that is right, DALING!! Also known as Libbie....my best friend.

Libbie Hegvik is here in Syracuse visiting from Richmond, VA for the weekend. We decided that today would be a perfect day to pamper ourselves and what better way to do so then getting a pedicure.

So we went to this place with the Asian people.....they make me a little nervous because they aren't very gentle. Anyway....best decision ever made. We were only going to get the regular $25 pedicure but opted for the $45 Spa Pedicure. I don't think I have ever been so relaxed with someone touching my feet before. Has anyone ever had a pedicure? If you haven't I highly recommend it and if you have I recommend upgrading to the Spa Pedicure. Yes, a chair massage but not only that a whole leg/foot massage. When it was time for our toes to dry we were even further pampered with a hot towel massage on our necks and shoulders. By far this is the best $55 I have ever spent. Well worth it.

CEA

2008-07-17T16:51:00.003-04:00

So I had chemotherapy yesterday. For the most part it went really well. I didn't feel too awful, until the evening anyway. Most times now I have a very hard time getting to sleep. I am taking over the counter sleeping pills to help with that. Anyway.

My CEA has gone up a bit. When I first started chemo over a year and a half ago my CEA was at 33 points and dropped over time to 3.4 which was in the normal range. Over the past few months it has risen again to 37 points which is higher than when I first started, although I do feel better than what I did a year and a half ago.

It can be very frustrating especially not knowing what is going to happen. I really just want to stop chemo because it is very difficult and draining on my body. However, I feel like so many people are counting on me to keep it up. If people only new how hard it was I am suer they would feel the same way.

Cystoscopy

2008-06-28T17:17:00.002-04:00

So I had a Cystoscopy the other day. Probably the most painful thing ever.....afterwards that is. I was asleep for the procedure but I thought I would share with you a little more about what it is. I do want to let everyone know that there is nothing wrong with my bladder.....good. For 24 hours after the procedure it hurt to pee. When I say hurt some of you women may think it felt like a UTI, a little burning. Imagine have a piece of barbed wire pulled through your urethra. I cried and had to hold my mom's hand while I peed. I am not ashamed to say that I had to hold my mommy's hand, but until you have had a Cystoscopy I don't want to here anything. I imagine child birth is almost as painful....sorry all you who have had a child.....I have no sympathy at the moment. Okay maybe a little. Anyway....enjoy all the information.

Cystoscopy

Cystoscopy is a test that allows your doctor to look at the inside of the bladder and the urethra using a thin, lighted instrument called a cystoscope .

The cystoscope is inserted into your urethra and slowly advanced into the bladder. Cystoscopy allows your doctor to look at areas of your bladder and urethra that usually do not show up well on X-rays. Tiny surgical instruments can be inserted through the cystoscope that allow your doctor to remove samples of tissue (biopsy) or samples of urine from each kidney.

Small bladder stones and some small growths can be removed during cystoscopy. This may eliminate the need for more extensive surgery.

Why It Is Done

Cystoscopy may be done to:

Find the cause of symptoms such as blood in the urine (hematuria), painful urination (dysuria), urinary incontinence, urinary frequency or hesitancy, an inability to pass urine (retention), or a sudden and overwhelming need to urinate (urgency).
Find the cause of problems of the urinary tract, such as frequent, repeated urinary tract infections or urinary tract infections that do not respond to treatment.
Look for problems in the urinary tract, such as blockage in the urethra caused by an enlarged prostate, kidney stones, or tumors.
Evaluate problems that cannot be seen on X-ray or to further investigate problems detected by ultrasound or during intravenous pyelography, such as kidney stones or tumors.
Remove tissue samples for biopsy.
Remove foreign objects.
Place ureteral catheters (stents) to help urine flow from the kidneys to the bladder.
Treat urinary tract problems. For example, cystoscopy can be done to remove urinary tract stones or growths, treat bleeding in the bladder, relieve blockages in the urethra, or treat or remove tumors.
Place a catheter in the ureter for an X-ray test called retrograde pyelography. A dye that shows up on an X-ray picture is injected through the catheter to fill and outline the ureter and the inside of the kidney.

How To Prepare

Tell your doctor if you:

Are allergic to any medicines, including anesthetics.
Have had bleeding problems or take blood-thinning medicine, such as aspirin or warfarin (Coumadin).
Are or might be pregnant.

You will be asked to sign a consent form before the test. Talk to your doctor about any concerns you have regarding the need for the test, its risks, how it will be done, or what the results may mean. To help you understand the importance of this test, fill out the medical test information form(What is a PDF document?).

Cystoscopy can be performed with local, spinal, or general anesthesia. Discuss with your doctor which method is best for you and whether you should plan on staying overnight in the hospital. If you will not be staying in the hospital, arrange for someone to drive you home after the test.

If a local anesthetic is used, you may eat and drink normally before the test.
If a general or spinal anesthetic is used, do not eat or drink anything for at least 8 hours before the test.

You should empty your bladder just before the test. You may be given medicine to prevent a urinary tract infection that could be caused by the test.

How It Is Done

Cystoscopy is performed by a urologist, with one or more assistants. The test is done in a special testing room in a hospital or the doctor's office.

You will need to take off all or most of your clothes, and you will be given a cloth or paper covering to use during the test.

About an hour before the test, you may be given a sedative to help you relax. An intravenous (IV) needle may be placed in a vein in your arm to give you other medicines and fluids. You will lie on your back on a special table with your knees bent, legs apart, and your feet or thighs may be supported by stirrups. Your genital area is cleaned with an antiseptic solution, and your abdomen and thighs are covered with sterile cloths. An anesthetic gel may be injected into the urethra through a syringe to reduce discomfort if you are having local anesthesia only.

If a general anesthetic is used, you will be put to sleep either with a medicine given through an IV or by inhaling gases through a mask, or both methods may be used. If a local anesthetic is used, the anesthetic solution or jelly is inserted in your urethra.

If a spinal anesthetic is used, the area on the back where the needle will be inserted is first numbed with a local anesthetic, then the needle is guided into the spinal canal and the anesthetic is injected. A spinal anesthetic may prevent movement of the legs until the anesthetic wears off.

After the anesthetic takes effect, a well-lubricated cystoscope is inserted into your urethra and slowly advanced into your bladder. If your urethra has a spot that is too narrow to allow the scope to pass, other smaller instruments are inserted first to gradually enlarge the opening.

Once the cystoscope is inside your bladder, either sterile water or saline is injected through the scope to help expand your bladder and to create a clear view. A medicine may also be injected through the scope to reduce chances of infection. Tiny instruments may be inserted through the scope to collect tissue samples for biopsy; the tissue samples then are sent to the laboratory for analysis.

The cystoscope is usually in your bladder for only 2 to 10 minutes. However, the entire test may take up to 45 minutes or longer if other X-ray tests are done at the same time.

If a local anesthetic is used, you may be able to get up immediately after the test. If a general anesthetic is used, you will stay in the recovery room until you are awake and able to walk (usually an hour or less). You can eat and drink as soon as you are fully awake and can swallow without choking. If a spinal anesthetic was used, you will stay in the recovery room until sensation and movement below your chest returns (usually about an hour).

How It Feels

Most people report that this test is not nearly as uncomfortable as they had expected.

If a general anesthetic is used, you will feel nothing during the test, but after the anesthetic wears off your muscles may feel tired and achy. Some people experience nausea after receiving a general anesthetic.

If a local anesthetic is used, you may feel a burning sensation or an urge to urinate when the instrument is inserted and removed. Also, when your bladder is irrigated with sterile water or saline, you may feel a cool sensation, an uncomfortable fullness, and an urgent need to urinate. Try to relax during the test by taking slow, deep breaths. Also, if the test is lengthy, lying on the table can become tiring and uncomfortable.

If a spinal anesthetic is used, you may find it uncomfortable to lie curled up on your side while the anesthetic is injected. You will probably feel a brief stinging sensation when the anesthetic is injected. You may feel tired and have a slight backache the day after the test.

Risks

Cystoscopy generally is a very safe test. If a general anesthetic is used, there is a small risk of death from the anesthetic (less than 1 in 3,000). There is no risk of loss of sexual function.

The most common side effect is a temporary swelling of the urethra, which may make it difficult to urinate. A catheter inserted in your bladder can help drain the urine until the swelling goes away. Bleeding sometimes occurs, but it usually stops on its own.

You may have a mild infection in the urinary tract after cystoscopy. This can usually be prevented or treated by taking medicine before and after the test. In rare cases, the infection can spread through the body, and in very rare circumstances, usually with seriously ill people, the infection can be life-threatening.

Another rare complication is a puncture of the urethra or bladder by one of the instruments, which requires surgery to repair.

After the test

After the test, you may need to urinate frequently, with some burning during and after urination for a day or two. Drink lots of fluids to help minimize the burning and to prevent a urinary tract infection.

A pinkish tinge to the urine is also common for several days after cystoscopy, particularly if a biopsy was performed. However, call your doctor immediately if:

Your urine remains red or you see blood clots after you have urinated several times.
You have not been able to urinate 8 hours after the test.
You have a fever, chills, or severe pain in your flank or abdomen. These may be signs of a kidney infection.
You have symptoms of a urinary tract infection. These symptoms include:
- Pain or burning upon urination.
- An urge to urinate frequently, but usually passing only small quantities of urine.
- Dribbling or leakage of urine.
- Urine that is reddish or pinkish, foul-smelling, or cloudy.
- Pain or a feeling of heaviness in the lower abdomen.

New at this.....

2008-05-12T11:34:00.001-04:00

So I figure since I am taking some time off from work that I would create a blog. Hopefully I can be diligent in keeping people updated on things going on in my life. I have a hard time these days remembering to keep people updated. Its not that I don't want to it's just that my brain doesn't function well enough for me to think about blogging.

It might be helpful if people tell me what they want to hear. I used to be pretty great at writing stuff...but like I said....the brain doesn't function properly. I will blog about anything you want me to people....okay maybe not. Anyhow.....